happy birthday to me

When I turned 34, my birthday wish was to become a mom. Last Friday, that wish came true. God blessed us with a beautiful daughter.

While I was nursing her in the wee hours of my 35th birthday, I spent some time praying for her and my husband. We are trying to figure out how to strategize his career-- namely where he should pursue his graduate degree in philosophy and how to pay for his studies, especially with a new addition in the family.

Yesterday, he came home to say that he had his quarterly review at work that day. His supervisors not only put in a recommendation for a raise, but a higher raise than normally given at the quarterly review. They also set up a meeting with the plant manager to discuss possible ways to offer a scholarship for his studies. Nothing is guaranteed, of course, but the news was a wonderful answer to prayer.

I happened to be reading about the life of Joseph that morning, and it struck me that while he had a "lucky break" in interpreting the dreams of the cupbearer and baker, any "strategizing" on his part was really nothing next to God's unfolding sovereign plan for his life and the salvation of his family and an entire nation.

We may not know how to get where we think we want to go, but God will direct us each step of the way.

weathering our first tornado

"Smells like a tornado."

I looked incredulously at my friend, but she was right. That afternoon, the tornado sirens went off as I was preparing for dinner, so we tuned into the local radio station.

The next hour felt like an eternity. We listened anxiously as tornado after tornado developed around the greater Oklahoma City area. I glanced up nervously at our skylights while I finished chopping lettuce and green onions, realizing that this beautiful blessing made me particularly vulnerable in the kitchen. We went through the house gathering emergency supplies, squeezed into our little laundry room, and shut the door.

Being a relatively new Okie, I felt fear rising in my heart. A tornado had ripped through our neighborhood before—and it could very well happen again.

Rumor has it that over 20 tornadoes developed throughout Oklahoma state that evening. While God chose to protect us and our skylights, other families are picking up debris from their demolished homes. Does that mean God loves us more?

No. This experience reminded me a lot of the days leading up to my husband's layoff. We heard rumblings of it, but we weren't quite sure who it would hit. That time, it was us.

Even though it one of the hardest trials we've faced as a couple, now in retrospect, we thank God for it. God allowed that "tornado" to hit us to help us reevaluate our purpose as individuals and our direction as a family. And we're still praying. Turning in the right direction is only the beginning.

buying vs renting

When you're going through unemployment, there's a period of "floundering," when you aren't quite sure what to do with yourself, so you reach out for something-- anything-- that might help restore your sense of normalcy and security.

After my husband got laid off, we went through that-- trying to figure out what kind of work he could do, how we could maintain the income we needed, whether or not to pursue various job opportunities...

At the same time, however we wanted to make sure we didn't jump into something simply to establish a false sense of security. We knew God led us to here. We knew God led my husband to work at this specific company. We knew God allowed him to get laid off. Why? Does God want to direct our paths in a totally different direction? If so, how do we go about figuring that out?

A couple weeks ago, we traveled to Minnesota for my husband's grandfather's funeral. As we drove through the barren corn fields of Iowa, we listened to this song:

But if my life is for rent, and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cause nothing I have is truly mine

Hmm... What does that mean? Are we "renting" or "buying" right now? We've often talked to our friends about living without regrets-- but what would that look like for us?

I thought back to the week my husband was laid off. We found ourselves unpacking boxes from our move last September. While he worked through numerous boxes of books and collections (that I laid eyes on for the first time ever), he began carrying on an online debate with a group of atheists. That led to a formal blog debate, in which he and one of the atheists posted back and forth for a total of six times.

While I would have avoided that kind of situation, my husband dove in with great relish. He researched his arguments, discussed them with friends, and mulled over it throughout the day. For the first time in our marriage, he entered a zone where I couldn't quite reach him.

I mentioned that observation to him as we began discussing the concept of "buying." If he enjoyed that mental stimulation, that research, that debating so much... what if that was what God designed him to do? What if he were to go back to school for that specific purpose?

He paused before responding with "Huh."

We sank into silence, him processing the new idea and all its implications and me watching his mind at work.

And so, we have begun praying in this direction. If this is what God created my husband to do, then we want to get ready to "buy."

________________________

For those of you who have been asking about his second interview, it seems to have gone well. He has another one tomorrow and has also submitted his resume to a number of other places. All of these are for temporary positions to tide us over until the summer. Thank you for your love and prayers!